Exceeding my expectations.

I have gone from this:

To this (sort of):

 

Well I did my ritual scale stepping this morning and I have shocked myself.  I am a) over 80 pounds gone and b) I am 1 pound away from this picture!

This picture is of me and the DH in 1999 when I was still working on the horse farms and even back then I thought I was still heavy and looking at my self today I think there is still room for some more for me to lose.

CCC made mention the last time I was there that my purple dress might be my goal for the conference in August, but she said that I might look at it and decide I need something new for the new me.  I mentioned this to Susanne and we talked about it for a bit.  She asked why I was wanting to get back into the purple dress and I told her I felt healthy and happy back then.  I was happy to be around the horses all day, I felt like I could sit on the DH’s knee without breaking his lap, the dress size didn’t start with a 2 so that meant I was out of the “big girls” side of the store and I felt really tall in that dress.  So I think that if I get back into that dress these emotions would come back.  Susanne mentioned that I can wear the dress in August but perhaps have a new dress that will let me have new emotions with the new path I am taking in life.  I guess I will have to see J

Speaking of “regular” stores, I ventured into a Le Chateau here at the day job.  I found that their 2XL is a 16-18 for the standard person.  I was noticing a nice dress that came in that size, but I didn’t have enough courage to take it off the rack to try.  I know that the dress in the picture above is a 16, but that was in 1999 and who knows what it would be in today’s sizing.

I have to make some changes to my clothing since I no longer have hips (dang…..no child rearing hips here LOL) so I am finding that I am having issues with jeans at Wal-Mart.  I think I might just have to venture into a “regular” store and see what they can offer.

Now that I have made it to my “personal” goal I guess I am moving on to the 90’s and then to the Century club!  I honestly thought that I would not make it to where I am now at this point in time.  I guess I am use to seeing folks on the forums saying that they are a few pounds from their goal and they just can’t get that last little bit off.

If I make it to the Century Club I will be 10 pounds away from the hospital’s target weight will be.  I know that the last 10 pounds won’t be skin surgery since I seem to be “bouncing back” pretty good.  So it will need to be sheer determination that will tone up this body J

On another note, I had the family over for the little Brother and the GF for the little pink one that they are going to have in August.  I was honestly expecting more of a response from my aunt and uncle than I did.  They said absolutely nothing!  I even wore skinny clothes!  Oh well.  I guess I can’t get gushing all the time LOL  I also found out too that the Tiny Tummy really hates cheap burgers.  A while I go I bought some when mom was down for her b-day/Mother’s Day and thiey didn’t sit nicely.  It sat as a lump in the Tiny Tummy and I just thought it was because I had it dry.  Or did I have relish?  Anyway, I had a patty with some Dijon mustard on it when the family was over and I had the “foamies” followed up by upward dumping.  I was totally shocked since it has been months since I have had any of these!  Lesson learned for sure!

The DH is cute sometimes and I don’t think he realises it until it comes out of his mouth.  This week I had a neck issue and he was giving me a shoulder rub and mentioned that I am losing weight because he can feel my shoulder blades.  Geez, I thought that was months ago!  The other recent comment was I changing for bed and he says “you have lost more weight, your boobs stick out further than you tummy now.”  Thanks hunny. J

I also have been contemplating a charity “fun run” in September.  It is only 2 km’s long and there is a medal at the end of it and with the June challenge I have been on for FB I think it might be a good goal.  I am still waffling on the idea since I have to let the bosses know by the 25^th of June if I am up for it.  I just hope that I don’t look like this when I run

 

Also to the Lurkers that I have who have mentioned that I am becoming an inspiration to them for going through the surgery and the positive outlook I now I have on things.  HELLO!!!!!! J I am here for ya if you need me!

We are off to New Jersey for the weekend so I am sure I will have some more to post when I get back!

Keeping myself in check

Every once in a while the OH (Obesity Help) forum I belong to (which focuses on different types of WL surgeries and I found on that is for my surgery and the people in ON too!) posts various articles.  This one mentions some pitfalls I might have and I thought after my discussion about with the Nurse about measuring I thought of other areas I might slip up in.  So here I go dissecting this article....My thoughts are in bold and italicised

5 ISSUES THAT CAN SABOTAGE WLS

The first of these issues is prior psychological history. This includes: depression, bi-polar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, external locus of control, and “magical thinking”…which may lead to discontinuation of necessary psychotropic medications.

 

**I have Susanne for this one.......I don't think I would give up the "happy pills" no matter how much I lost.

Secondly, the issue of abuse is a possible saboteur after surgery. Was there physical abuse, sexual abuse, and/or verbal abuse? If this is not addressed prior to surgery it will not be a surprise to see an anxious patient six months post surgery due to the feeling that they have lost their “protective cover.”

**I didn't have the abuse that went with the "hiding" my "layer" was from the obsession of being told "no" and the DH has been very supportive through all of this.

Thirdly, a low self-esteem may lead to a patient not being successful after weight loss surgery. The patient may experience a sense of failure if they go off track (since it is a total life- style change, they can expect to go off track once in awhile). There may be lack of accountability; many patients are socially immature, or not wanting to take responsibility.

 

**The only thing I get upset about is when I step on the scale and see a stall and that is my own accountability since I am putting the food in my mouth.  I know when the scale doesn't move I think about what I ate and it often linked to a white carb.  So I am just needing to be mindful when I am thinking about a sandwich/wrap/burger/toast/pizza and anything else.

Fourthly, if the patient suffered from past grief or trauma that wasn’t dealt with prior to surgery, this can make a patient fail. I have sat in my office many times talking to patients who gained their weight back after not being ready to give up losing someone close to them who had died, or a past rape that they had never dealt with.

 

**Again I have Susanne.

Lastly, and perhaps the most frustrating for the patient, is a history of addiction. This can present as a history of smoking, drug use, drinking, or food. Cross addictions are a reality; they really do happen. In fact, the Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, CA is seeing an influx of bariatric patients with new addictions checking in for help. Addictions do not go away!

 

**This I know I don't I have but I have a food addiction.  This is often the case when I get cravings and I think about the cravings until I get that little B.L.T.  I had that the other night with Smartfood popcorn.  I ended up getting a bag, ate 3 kernels and left the rest on the microwave.  I had popcorn for the next 3 nights LOL

**Another article from the OH board.

DEALING WITH FOOD ADDICTIONS

If you had a food addiction prior to surgery, you will most likely have one after the surgery. Sometimes you can anticipate changing addictions…but with a food addiction, many times you do not. You end up overeating many of the foods you did prior to surgery.

Food addictions can present themselves in many forms. They may present as compulsive overeating, night eating syndrome, binge eating disorder and many other forms of eating that reflect an unhealthy relationship with food.

SYMPTOMS OF UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WITH FOOD

• Fear of gaining weight while eating
• Feelings of loss of control when eating
• Having thoughts about food and eating other than at mealtimes
• Thinking of food with feelings of guilt or shame
• Repeated attempts at dieting
• Self-consciousness or embarrassment about eating
• Lying about eating habits
• Eating to relieve stress or depression • Eating when not hungry
• Fearful that you may not be able to stop eating when you should

 

**My addictions are; repeated attempts at dieting, lying about eating (closet eating), eating when not hungry (because I closet ate and now it is supper time with the family) and the fear of not being able to stop eating when I should and we (Susanne and I) believe that is why I measure everything.

If you know prior to surgery that you have a food addiction, tell the psychotherapist and dietician.  If we know about it prior to surgery we can guide you so that after the surgery, you will be successful. You may also want to be honest with your surgeon and tell them about your addiction to food. Most patients are not addicted to all food. They have foods they prefer and they use these foods for comfort. They use certain foods to numb themselves or to stop anxiety. Since this journey of weight loss and management after surgery can be overwhelming at times and stressful, you can understand how you may be tempted to turn to comfort foods just as you did in the past.

One of the troubling things is that prior to or after surgery, your surgeon may tell you that
a “sliver of cheesecake” or other trigger foods is okay for you to taste after surgery. This is analogous to telling a recovering alcoholic that they can have a small glass of wine, or to tell a smoker they can have one puff of a cigarette. We know this would be unethical advice, but at the same time, we say it to our weight loss patients frequently. Perhaps what would be a better stance to take is to ask patients prior to surgery to list their “trigger foods” and then counsel them on how to switch to a healthy food in the place of the “trigger food.” Patients tell me that unlike an alcoholic, they have to eat (an alcoholic doesn’t have to drink). This is true, but patients don’t have to eat the foods they are eating. No one becomes obese from eating healthy foods (fruits and vegetables). I don’t know any patients who are addicted to carrots and broccoli. I think the firmness of a treatment team to guide the patient after surgery and tell them prior to surgery that their “trigger foods” will no longer be acceptable for them would be much more helpful then to tell them to live a “healthier life style after surgery.” Patients tell me frequently that they are planning to live a healthier lifestyle after surgery, but if they have an underlying food addiction that hasn’t been dealt with a healthier lifestyle will be a temporary thing (the honeymoon phase of bariatric surgery lasts 6 to 12 months). After that the old patterns of eating will kick in.

 

**I think that I have changed how I eat.  This paragraph focuses on the "no/never again" aspect and I have learned that this is my trigger. 

SIMPLE WAYS OF KEEPING A FOOD ADDICTION IN CHECK

Prior to surgery, have a set amount in mind of your limit in weight gain. The most discouraging part of the surgery may be if you gain weight back after losing it. This is frustrating and it mostly happens when we don’t pay attention to what we are eating and we turn to old habits of eating. After your surgery, have a talk with yourself and decide how much weight you will use for “fluctuation.” I usually encourage patients to have a 3-5 lb. limit. If at any time after your surgery you gain 3-5 lb., call or email your psychotherapist and dietician and tell them you went over your set limit. We will respond by going over your diet and your thinking. If we catch it early we can usually help you turn things around within a two week time. If you allow yourself to go into a “shame cycle” where you are embarrassed to get on a scale or you deny you are gaining and don’t want to deal with it, then we won’t be able to help you. Remember you are the boss of your treatment team. If you don’t tell us your problem we cannot help you.

 

**My margin of error is only a pound right now.  I have seen folks guff at 5 pounds, but eventually over 4 weeks of it makes that 20 pounds.  That is a number I really don't want to see since I have done so much up to this point.

Lower your sweet volume. If you know you are addicted to sweets, make a vow to clean every sweet thing out of your kitchen, office drawer, and day to day life. If you are addicted to sweets, eating a little bit after surgery is like getting a little bit pregnant. It doesn’t exist.

 

**This made me chuckle.  I have even talked to Susanne about various things and she has helped me make "yes/no will/won't" decisions.  There is no "I might do this" either.

Keep your hunger in check. You know what happens if you get overly hungry. Don’t let it happen. Eat a little bit every three hours.

 

**I have a timer and normally I will have a craving before the timer goes off LOL

Remind yourself with a rubber band. Find a nice big tight rubber band. Place it on your wrist near your watch so you won’t forget to wear it every day. Whenever you are out and about and thinking about eating “comfort food” or something that isn’t healthy, snap the rubber band. The stinging of the rubber band will distract you so you will be able to get in touch with how often you are thinking of sabotaging your weight loss. It will also show you if the addiction is stronger than your will. If the addiction is stronger, it is time to call your treatment team for additional support.

 

**Ummmmm no.  The rubber band isn't for me.

As I have said to a few folks, I think if I didn't get my mental state figured out, I wouldn't have been able to use the tool of the Tiny Tummy to its full potential.  I keep thinking back to "that guy" who went home and ate pizza just after surgery and tore everything up inside and died.  We won't know why he did it, but I am glad that I am on the right track. 

6 month follow up

Well it had been 6 months since surgery and I have been told that the honeymoon stage of surgery is over.  This means that I will be losing weight at a slower rate and I should have all my foods for the Tummy Troll figured out (as if!)

This is where I am confused about various things.  Stuff like: when does my hair stop falling out, when do I start maintenance,  what if I lose too much, can I keep eating protein bars, and what if I don't reach a full cup of food when I eat?

So I was armed with all my questions when I went to TWH for the day.  Yes the day.  I had the psychologist appointment at 10:30 and then my next appointment was at 3:45 with the nurse followed by the nutritionist at 4:30.

I sat with the gal at 10:45 and chatted how I was doing mentally and I mentioned that I am really concerned about my measuring vs. eyeball and thought that by now I should be able to eyeball everything.  She said that she often has patients feel like they failing and she tells them to go back to measuring their food.  So I took that as if I don't stop measuring I won't fail.  Sounded good to me.  I told her that I will mention it to Susanne and that pretty much was the end of the conversation.  I guess she was expecting a load if issues with eating etcetera but I have been able to chat about them with Susanne.  She gave me a business card if I had any questions but I doubt I will.

Then I decided to take up residency in the waiting room.  I got Nikki some water to drink and she nodded off to sleep.  I guess my earphones and a game of solitaire was enough for my brain and Nikki thought I was safe.  Until a patient sat down with us and started asking questions about Nikki and then pulled out her phone to show me picture of her little fu-fu dog.  At that point, now was a good time as any to go find some lunch.

We walked around Bathurst for a bit and headed back to the hospital.  I looked at my phone and thought I still have over an hour to kill so I am going to take a nap in the truck.  (I KNOW I WASN'T EVEN ON HOLIDAYS!)  Well I had a poop bag from our walk and there wasn't a garbage in the near vicinity so I tossed it the bed of the truck.  Well.....I absolutely offended someone since they got the wrong end of the stick.  They took it upon themselves to tell me that I should NOT be throwing my garbage, in particular a poop bag into the back of another person's vehicle and try to walk away.  Well once I got the shock out of my system I informed her that this was my husband's truck and that I will be throwing the bag out when I go to enter the hospital at 3 for my appointment.  He apologised saying that his wife has a truck and has to deal with random garbage being dumped in it.

So Nikki and I crawled into the truck for a nap and I woke up "naturally" at 2:30 and headed into the hospital again.

I stopped at the food court and grabbed a small sub and a milk and I ate that for lunch.  I never noticed how salty the food is and how much bread there was in a roll!  I picked apart the bun, and wiped off a bit of the meat and ate what I could.  I am glad that I had the milk for that little bit of protein that I needed to get into me.

We then went upstairs for just past 3 and it was a good thing since the Nurse was running ahead of schedule and we were in to see her at 3:15.  She took my weight and her scale is sooooo out of whack!  I like the number I get on my scale since there was a 4 pound difference.  She is glad that I am doing so well and have been told that I have lost 67% of my excess weight. *high five & a pat on the back!!!!* So we then chatted about the meds I am on and she looked over my file and noticed that the blood work I got drawn in May hasn't ben received.  I said that I was told at 3 months everything was good except for my cholesterol so we set up a call to talk about my new blood work when it comes in.

I asked the questions I had and I found out the follow:
-My hair will stop falling out at the 8 month mark.  PHEW!
-I need to increase my vitamin D.  I need to be about 1000 mg a day and I am 400 so I will see what the pharmacy has to offer.
-I asked about a "goal weight" I know we are to focus on how we feel rather than a number but I need the goal.  Now that I have reached Onederland I am looking for that new goal.  So she crunched some numbers and said that I should work towards 165. 
-I am still going to lose weight, just not as fast as it has been the past 6 months.  My body will level out to what it thinks is a good weight around 18 months.  After 2 years, I am golden and that is the new me for the rest of my life.  If I hit 140 there is something biologically wrong and Kayrn said that she has only seen 1 case where that has happened the whole time she has been at TWH.
-Also given the green light to work out the core and other body parts that need help!  Bring on the DVD's!!!!!!!

Once I was done with Kayrn I met with Katie right after, so I didn't have to sit down at all!  Sweet I could get out of there faster into downtown traffic sooner! (please note the sarcasm here.....)

So we talked about what I eat in a day and she mentioned the protein bars/drinks that I have for breakfast.  She asked if I was comfortable with eating them and I said that I am not relying on them for my only source of protein and that it is a convenience factor since I am ate my desk or driving in the car when the hour after taking my nexium is up. She agreed with me and said that I am doing "fantastic" and should keep going the way I am .  I asked about not being up to a cup of food and then she asked about the breakdown of what my plate looks like.  I told her a 1/3 of a cup is meat then a 1/3 of a cup is veggies and then I had a teeny bit of starch just to see what it tastes like since I cooked it.  She said that the portions are fine so 2/3 of a cup is fine.  WOHOO!!!!!!!

So I will keep plugging away the way that I am and when I see them on January I am hoping I still are making the great strides they are expecting.

Great Feats.

Wow not quite a month but I had the best of intentions to writing a post!

There have been a few things going on so I will keep it a quick as possible (as if......)

-The May long weekend found the DH and I camping nearby and we had quite a relaxing time. we headed out for walks regularly even if he forgot his "old man hat" to keep the sun off.  he did manage to snap a picture of me cooking supper.  I am wearing a shirt that looks miles too big on me but I thought it fit.

 

 

-Mother's Day was pretty quite for the Dh and I.  It was so quiet that we were the only ones in the restaurant LOL.  We were at "The Crook" just before noon and I thought there might have been a line up to get or at least another family wanting to eat.  It  was nice to have and we enjoyed ourselves.

 

-Mom was up between Mother's Day and her birthday and all she wanted was a nice supper and campfire so that is what we did.  We had Maine and her family over too just to fill up the back yard for mom.

 

-the same weekend mom was up I made it into Onederland!  Not to be confused with the place with the coasters. 

 

 

 

I showed mom a picture of the scale I took and she said "you know, once you start toing you are going to have a rocking bod!"  This was really hard to listen to when you mom is over 65.

 

-Last weekend we as golf tourney for the day job and I was really out of my element since I know nothing of golf.  So I was happy to stand at the front of the food line and take tickets for drinks and the dessert.  There was 3 rain delays so the golf club gave receipts for everyone to come back another day.  The most holes that were golfed was 5 but everyone enjoyed the food and draws.

 

-RedRogers if officially left the Therapy Dog building.  her last day was may the 31st and that leaves GreyHorse and I holding the fort to get the 19 volunteers through the program.  I think RedRogers has set us up with enough info we should be alright.  She also has offered to let us email her with questions and just to chat.  we had a farewell lunch for her and I slowly ate some broccoli cheddar soup and I realised how fast everyone else eats.  It was one of those "to myself" thoughts I had observing.

 

-I have joined a challenge on FB where we exercise hard one day and easier on the next for over 30 minutes each day and you post a pic on FB of what you had done.  We also have 2 freebee off days for the whole month of June.  Since I was working the 2nd job last night I decided to start off with an easier day rather than none at all.  So Mel and I walked 2.98 km's in 40 minutes on our lunch at the day job.

 

 



So I think that is up to date for y'all and I am looking forward to my 6 month follow up on Wednesday and a BBQ & Bonfire Baby Shower for the bother and his girlfriend with my family.